we are finite (erin jean warde)
We are all finite, and we are all interdependent, and we all deserve a way of life that does not require letting go of ourselves.
inspiration
“We are finite. Often taking something on means letting something go.”
—EJW
contemplation
I am usually the “taking something on” person, sometimes not realizing I am at my limit, and other times knowing I am at my limit but fearing the repercussions that might come with being a woman who honors her limits. If I say I cannot take something on I fear others will judge me for not working hard enough, not caring enough about the work I do, or — and this is the worst — that I don’t care enough about the person in front of me.
But at the end of the day, I am, in fact, finite. It’s just true. And to deny it is to live inside falsehood, to lie to myself and to others. Being finite means I have to bring a discerning heart to the invitations I receive and let that discerning heart (always in conversation with mind, body, and soul) drive what I take on. I try to re-write the inner voice by reminding myself of how Jesus said, “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.” Checking in with myself to see if I am able to take on the new is a way of trying to let my yes mean yes and my no mean no. Because I know all too well how a yes that was meant to be no, and a no that was meant to be a yes, becomes deep resentment, which corrupts my heart.
So then, often taking something on means letting something go. It means that in order to make the decision, I have to ask: What will I let go in order to take this on? Because I have learned that if I don’t, I will still let something go every single time, but it will be when I am completely burned out that I realize every single time I let go of myself.
This also means asking the question: Is this something that is worth letting something go? And sometimes the answer is frankly no, born of the realization that while this is likely a worthy and beautiful invitation, there is nothing I can let go to make room for what it demands. In short: I cannot let go of other things on my plate and I refuse to keep letting go of myself.
Now, just as our finite nature is a truth, so also is it true that life happens. There are circumstances outside of our control that we cannot dismiss, when we are faced with things we certainly didn’t “take on,” and I believe in those times we are all just doing our best. When these circumstances arrive, it might still mean that things have to be let go, just so we can stay upright, but I recognize we live in a world where some are not given the privileges to let things go.
In the face of how some do not have privileges that allow letting go in order to survive, it becomes vitally important that we assess not just what we need to take on, and let go, in order for us to thrive, but what must we take on, and sacrifice, in order to give others the support they need to not be pushed past their limits as a way of life. Because we are all finite, and we are all interdependent, and we all deserve a way of life that does not require letting go of ourselves.
I don’t share this as a prescriptive, because it cannot be treated as such. I share this because there were things within my power I could have declined, or things in my power I could have let go, such that I did not have to let go of myself. And, when I just needed to survive, I did, and that is as real a part of life as my finite nature.
Today, I hope you can be compassionate to yourself in the different ways you’ve just had to keep going when life gave you things you’d never take on. I pray we, as a people, would take on compassion and let go of hardness of heart toward those who suffer. And, in all of it, I hope ways are made possible for you to take on care for yourself.
reflection
Are there times when you have said “yes” or “no” and immediately regretted the decision? Reflect on that experience.
What invitations are in front of you?
How can you bring a discerning heart to respond to those invitations?
out of office
Friends, I will be out of the office August 19-September 4 and unable to respond to e-mails, phone calls, and text messages. There will be no paid or free posts during this time, as I unplug and reset! My next availability for all appointments — spiritual direction and recovery coaching — is in September. Thanks for being patient with me right now!
book club — what’s to come
We are wrapping up Howard Thurman and next week I will announce our next book!