5 years sober (erin jean warde)

On Saturday, 11/11, I celebrated 5 years of sobriety from alcohol. It was a quiet day.

5 years sober

On Saturday, 11/11, I celebrated 5 years of sobriety from alcohol. It was a quiet day. I walked to the farmer’s market, which has become an important part of my week. I got a small lunch and a cookie and walked back home.

I struggled a bit with lament that I don’t seem to know how to mark the years anymore, but also the tender awareness of how much I should be grateful that this is just a normal part of my life. I only mentioned it to one person — my close friend Mallory — who told me she was proud of me. I received her words quite deeply.

I grieved not knowing who else to share this with. I felt an intense loneliness about the day. I thought about posting on social media (I’m only on Instagram) but chose not to. I’m not sure why. I felt myself struggling between wanting to yell it from the rooftops, and also wondering if, like Mary, I was meant to simply ponder it in my heart.

When sobriety was new, everything was cause to celebrate. If I did anything without alcohol, I celebrated myself. I struggled at first with how to celebrate myself without alcohol, so the irony of turning celebration into something explicitly warranted when I didn’t drink isn’t lost on me. And it was an important turn.

But what does celebration mean when you’ve been living this way for 5 years?

I often think I’ll eventually do some ~big thing~ to mark this big thing in my life, but as the days pass, each of them full of the reality of being alive, I wonder more and more what big thing could ever encompass such a big thing.

In the meantime, I find myself both grateful for the past 5 years, and also wondering what the next 5 years will hold. Or, more accurately put, what the next one year will hold.

It’s not a secret that from December 2022 to now, my life has not been a walk in the park. In fact, 2023 has in many ways been one of the hardest years of my life. So I can’t help but hope and pray that 2024 might be easier on me, while recognizing it will still hold the collateral damage that comes with breathing.

I am not a new year’s resolution person. But I am an Advent person. A hope person. A prayer person. I am a person who believes in change, because I believe in miracles.

So, in the wake of 5 years sober, I don’t know how to celebrate myself — or if it even makes sense to celebrate what has simply become my way of life. I don’t even know where to turn with this part of my life.

But I do know that I am receiving this as an inkling of Advent, hope, prayer, change, and miracles. Because I need these things for myself, for my life, if I hope to ever make it to 6 years.

And, it would be wild to talk about my sobriety without thanking you for being willing to hear about it. I’m deeply grateful to each of you for receiving my words, as it is an honor to share them with you.

Love y’all,
EJW

PS: I’m signing off until the first week of December, due to holidays & travel. You can read about my travels below. In the meantime, I send you all my love, care, and blessings to you as we enter the holiday season. <3

coach with me

If you’re trying to figure out how to cope with holiday stress in a way that feels more loving toward yourself, I’d love to work with you.

If you sign up this week, we will begin working together in December. This is a great opportunity to reflect on how your autumn holidays went, to prepare for winter holidays as they approach. We will meet throughout December to talk about the stressors that come up in your life generally, and especially during the holidays. This allows us to learn from past experiences and find coping mechanisms that are catered to your life, so you move into the future knowing you have support.

Maybe you’re trying to stay sober, or maybe you just want to drink less, or maybe you just know your drinking can get out of hand when the holidays are here (I know that feeling). No matter where you are with it, if you want some support and would like a coach for December, I’d love to work with you. <3

upcoming events

Preaching & Author Event at University Baptist Church — Sunday, November 26 (Austin, TX)

I’ll be preaching at University Baptist Church the Sunday after Thanksgiving at 11am! Please hang out after the service for a chat about my book, Sober Spirituality. Can’t wait to worship with these lovely people, including my friend The Rev. Natalie Webb, Senior Pastor. See y’all then!

Preaching at Christ Chapel & Author Event at Seminary of the Southwest — Monday, November 27 (Austin, TX)

I’m honored by the invitation to preach and speak at my alma mater, Seminary of the Southwest! I’ll be preaching at chapel at 11:45am. Our author event will be at 4:00pm. Come hang out with me and my favorite seminary community!

Annual Recovery Retreat for the Episcopal Diocese of Texas — December 1-3 (Camp Allen in Navasota, TX)
Join us in the beautiful East Texas piney woods with activities for renewal, space for rest and fellowship, and insightful teachings! I’ll be offering sessions based on my book, Sober Spirituality, and we’ll enjoy meetings and prayer together. Open to members of all 12 Step Fellowships and their Family and Friends of Recovery.