after the storm (erin jean warde)
inspiration
“The storm is gone, but the ‘after the storm’ is always here.”
—Deacon Julius Lee, Katrina survivor, quoted in Spirit and Trauma: A Theology of Remaining by Shelly Rambo
contemplation
I resonated with Deacon Julius’s words deeply, as I am on an ever unfolding path to figuring out how trauma has shaped my experiences. One thing is for sure: trauma shapes our relationships with any substances we use to cope, because of course it does, we need to cope and there is no shame in it. When I quit drinking, so much of the fog of my life lifted, which continues to be a tremendous joy. However, when the fog lifts, we have to look into what the fog was hiding. This is especially true when I work with people — either in recovery coaching or spiritual direction — who begin to awaken to themselves through no longer numbing the way they used to. Inevitably if we are not as numb as we used to be, we’ll better see the joys in our lives, but we’ll also have to look into what the fog was hiding, and it’s very possible the fog was hiding trauma.
I try to remind people, regarding numbing, that we are rarely numbing at trauma, or numbing at the issues that require our coping. Instead, this trauma, these experiences that deserve our care, they can give our lives the feeling of a continual need to cope. This is how the aftermath of an event can become a lifestyle, and again, there is no shame in coping. If we develop patterns that no longer serve us, it is rarely intentional, and instead, habitual. Your brain loves patterns, because patterns try to make order out of chaos, such that our brains might have been created by God to mirror the way God is trying to arrive to us when we are in these traumatic and tumultuous times.
You might be surprised what you see if you let the fog lift, as it might be a few experiences that confirm your hunch, but those experiences might be alongside a few other parts of your life you didn’t even know were asking for healing. While I’ll never downplay the challenge of facing trauma, I’ve also noticed the profound transformation that can come when we see the parts of us we didn’t know needed to heal, each of them serving as mysterious passageways into love for the Spirit and ourselves.
I would love to give you my 3 step plan for navigating trauma, but it would be pure snake oil. No, there’s no definitive path forward, and no one can be rushed into healing, because first and foremost I believe trauma requires a gentleness we can’t cultivate if we are rushing. The only path forward I can imagine is to just keep moving in whatever ways feel possible, while slowly coupling gentleness with attention, because — to return to the wisdom of Deacon Julius — the ‘after the storm’ is always there. Our trauma can’t be fixed, it can only be cared for, honored as such, blessed by a sacred mix of gentleness and attention.
reflection
Where does fog collect in your life? Just noticing it can help us begin healing.
What are a few (like just 2!) small coping tools you could keep close to yourself? Before the fog lifts, it’s important to already have gentle coping supports available to us, because we will need them if we look into what the fog’s been hiding.
programs & offerings
〰 I’m booked for April, but I am available for 1:1 coaching in May, if you’d like to get signed up & book your sessions!
〰 I will also be open for more spiritual directees in May! say hi if you’re interested, so we can discern whether or not we’d be a good fit.
interests & joys
〰 I hyperfixated on Clean Tok and today I am purchasing the O Cedar Spin Mop, because I always feel like moving is a time to try for better cleaning habits, plus apparently this mop is magical. I would also like to formally state my support for Scrub Daddy products and Dawn Powerwash.