allowing (erin jean warde)
In this space of allowing, I’m still full of stress and anxiety, but instead of showing up to this space SHOCKED I am here, I’m acknowledging I’ve been here before, and made it back to solid ground.
allowing
If there is one thing I hate, it’s a very specific thing that keeps coming up in spiritual direction.
ALLOWING.
BOOOOOO, lol. I find myself, again and again, inside the gap between where I am, and where I wish to be. It’s always deeply frustrating, because this is the space where I know things will be as they are, and I can only have control over so much (and it’s not much at all). This allowing space is where I have to trust that I am here for a reason; this is when I have to believe that right now, even with all its challenges, is my teacher.
Given how often I end up here, you would think eventually I’d come to at least expect my arrival. It’s like knowing I’m going on a trip, not packing anything, then arriving to the hotel SHOCKED all my things aren’t there. Like… you’ve been to a hotel before. You know it has some things, but not everything. You know you need to pack.
So, in this space of allowing that I hate, I’m trying to exist inside it differently. I’m still full of stress and anxiety, but instead of showing up to this space SHOCKED I am here, I’m acknowledging that I’ve been here before, and made it back to solid ground before, too.
I’m going to try to pause when I find myself anxious and spiraling, to say to myself: You’re on a trip. Some things will be there for you when you arrive, but you know you need to pack a few things. You’ve been here before, and left here before. And you’ll be here again, and leave here again. You can’t know everything that will happen — or else it wouldn’t require the deep frustration of allowing! — but you can pack. What do you need to take with you to be healthy in the space of allowing?
Right now, as best as I can tell, I need to eat, drink water, sleep, bathe. I need to clear my mind of unnecessary negativity and stress (because I’ve already got plenty of anxiety, thankyouverymuch). I need to pray. I need to practice gratitude. I need to remember I’ve been here before and survived it — so I will probably survive this, too. I need to engage simple joys like petting the kitties, listening to birdsong, and taking as many deep breaths as I can remember to take. Maybe more than anything, I need to remember that I am loved, supported, and cared for by God and my community. This is what I need to pack, so I have what I need in this space of uncertainty and allowing.
Are you joining me in the space of allowing? (And does it make you just as frustrated? Please say yes, lol.) If so, what are you packing? I pray you can gather up the food, water, prayers, and joys you need to sit in this space of allowing, even when you want to run.
Because believe me when I say I know what it’s like to want to run. And I also know my soul’s most necessary work is to stay.
With love & care,
EJW
let’s get Sober Spirituality up to 100 reviews!
I learned this week that 100 reviews on Amazon boosts author visibility!
If you’ve read Sober Spirituality, please do me the huge honor of reviewing it on Amazon! You do not even have to order it from Amazon to leave a review there. Positive Amazon reviews are a huge support to me!
Right now we are at 24… can we get to 100?! Thanks y’all!
Just scroll down and click “Write a customer review!”
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healing moment update
A quick note about our weekly healing moment. This will return in June, but it will return as part of this weekly newsletter. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to emails accumulating in my inbox, I’m leaning toward less is more.
Starting in June…
If you’re a free subscriber, you’ll get one e-mail per week — this weekly newsletter, which will cover a lot of ground.
If you’re a paid subscriber, you’ll receive two emails per week — this weekly newsletter AND our weekly book club reflection just for the paid community.
I hope everyone is feeling good about less emails. :)