do not despise small beginnings (erin jean warde)
Today I felt the power of small things over time, how they broke down an impossible wall, what it feels like to step over what felt bigger than my whole life.
Today I’ll be sharing a reflection I first wrote on Instagram. While many of you follow me there, some don’t, and I'm hoping it might support this community, too. <3
do not despise small beginnings
Mornings have been difficult for me lately, which is hard because sobriety made them feel so new and bright. I miss feeling the Spirit’s gift of joy each new day.
Honestly, my mental health has been a huge struggle since my sister, Hazel, died in December. Even before then, I was burned out and desperately seeking rest. Instead of rest, I received grief. And now I’m packing to move.
And of course my mental health has been a struggle. That’s normal when someone we love dies. I’m trying to hold compassion toward myself because this pain is normal, BUT the normalcy of pain doesn’t make it any easier to escape, because depression stands as a wall between me and the care I know can help me move out of it.
Today I went on a 3 mile walk. I’ve known walking would help my mental health. In early sobriety I walked religiously and looked forward to it. But since December especially, the wall of depression has been too large. It’s stood between me and my walking, and many of the practices that help me in mind, body, and soul—spiritual morning practice, eating consistent nourishing and tasty meals, drinking more water, creativity, and turning off my phone. The wall stood between me and these practices because they felt too big.
My guess is the “small” things I’ve done to care for me — every time I showered, bathed, sipped water, ate any breakfast, asked for prayer, prayed, laughed, took my meds, moisturized my face — were slowly chipping away at the wall of depression, so today I could step over.
I have been on the side of depression where I just can’t cross. And I know how futile the small things can feel at the time. But today I felt the power of small things over time, how they broke down an impossible wall, what it feels like to step over what felt bigger than my whole life.
I’m not saying my depression is over because it probably isn’t. But: today it doesn’t feel like a wall—it’s a step I can walk over. And the small care has gotten me here.
Zechariah 4:10a says: “Do not despise these small beginnings…” and I am holding that in my heart as my morning prayer.
If you feel like you can only do the “small” things, I hope you won’t despise these small beginnings, because I believe they are chipping away at our walls.
With love & care,
EJW
June book club starts next week!
We’ll be reading Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chödrön.
I’m shamelessly picking this because I think I need it during the stress of figuring out my move, but I wouldn’t pick it if I didn’t know it will hold wisdom for others too.
Book club is for paid subscribers — $7/month — but if you need this right now and don’t have the cash, reply to this email and we can figure it out. 💛
If you want to sign up to join us, go ahead & subscribe!
We’ll be knocking it out in 4 weeks, which might seem like a lot of reading, but they’re short chapters, chock full of wisdom. I’ve never read it in its entirety, but I’ve read excerpts! And if you don’t have time to read along entirely, the essays will be written with quotes, so you can still receive insight from the reflections. <3
(There are different versions, but the content doesn’t change — so your cover might not look like mine. :))
recovery coaching
I have spots open for coaching! Recovery coaching provides practical support and encouragement as you change your relationship with alcohol or quit drinking.
Coaching with me means crafting a journey that is unique to you and your life!
Did you know you can put your coaching package on a payment plan? PayPal has a “Pay Later” function — you can access it at checkout! I know what it’s like to need support on a payment plan, so I want to make sure you know this is available for you! <3
Have questions? Just reply to this email & let’s talk it out!
discerning sobriety course
If you’re enjoying — or finished! — Sober Spirituality, consider taking my Discerning Sobriety course! You’ll get daily emails for 40 days full of spiritual practices to guide you through bringing discernment into your relationship with alcohol. It might surprise you how much the daily email can really encourage you and help you stay on the path.
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