figuring out my mess (erin jean warde)
May we be given a heart to discern our real needs, honest stewardship of our resources, so we can be fulfilled by the mercies and treasures that offer us true joy.
figuring out my mess
Right now, my car is so full of boxes, I cannot see out of the back of it. Yesterday, I really tested the limits of my car’s hatchback, to learn that it is quite spacious. Soon, boxes will fill my home. My cats will play in them and be devastated when I tape them up. And I will be absolutely FULL UP with all my stuff. I will roll my eyes, wondering how I could possibly have this much STUFF. All I can think of is the Marie Kondo Netflix show when she’s like, “I’m so excited because I love mess!”
Well, apparently I do too, but not like that, lol.
And it hit me this morning — over the next 2 weeks, I will place my hands on everything I own. Isn’t that wild to think about? I will hold everything I physically own.
I’m necessarily, too, placing hands on every item I own to see if it will make it into a box, or into the donation pile. I’m wading my way through the mess. I’m going to try to refresh on the Marie Kondo basics, because there’s no better time to assess an item’s worth than when it has one of two destinations: the moving box or the donation pile.
The other day I saw a video I’m still mulling over in my mind. She said:
There’s a difference between something being useful,
and something being useful to me.
I am a long time purveyor of learning about things that are useful. I was raised by my Mama and my Grandmere. My Grandmere was born in 1920, so she was a survivor of the Great Depression. (To put things in context: it started when she was 9 and ended when she was 21.) You don’t experience these formative years in the Great Depression without learning about things that are useful. It’s funny to see some of the videos now — as we are in a recession — of people sharing tips about how to save money, or even tips for more “sustainable living,” because they are the same tips that were instilled in me by being raised by Grandmere. I love that we are encouraging people to stop with single-use plastics, but Grandmere taught me that long ago, as I drank ice cold sweet Lipton tea, with a sprig of mint from the garden, from one of our many Bama jam jars.
And yet, there’s a shadow side to everything. Yes, there is profound beauty in the fact that my Grandmere always turned bruised bananas into the best banana bread you’ve ever had, but learning this usefulness came at the price of her salvaging anything and everything that was salvageable. Because we didn’t throw away things that are useful. And of course she had a strong attachment to things — can you imagine how much attachment you’d have to things if you survived the Great Depression?
Now, I find myself in the weird mix of being a person who: a) was raised by Grandmere and b) is about to move for the tenth time in 18 years. Over the past 18 years, I have accumulated my fair share of things that are useful, because the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, and the tree has never been made of money. I’ve also donated my fair share of things, because how else could I afford yet another move, both financially and mentally? Not to mention the constant changes in square feet.
I’m realizing I still have a part of me that will hold onto an item because it is useful, and thank God for that instinct, because it is how my ancestors have survived, and part of how I survive to this day.
And yet, the question I’m trying to ask as I figure out my mess is: But is this useful for me? Because if it isn’t useful for me, it isn’t useful for me to keep in my home. I can release it, in the hope it will find someone for whom it will be useful for them.
I invite you to hold this question as you reflect on your life — and it’s not just things we hold onto — in the hope that maybe, together, we can parse what’s useful from what’s useful for us.
May we receive what we need to survive, and release that which might help someone else do the same. May we not feel guilt for when we need to give away, and instead recognize how our releasing means someone else receiving. And may we be given a heart to discern our real needs, honest stewardship of our resources, so we can be fulfilled by the mercies and treasures that offer us true joy.
With love & care,
EJW
healing moment: give something away
It can be incredibly hard — read above! — but what if we each gave something away? I find that in my times of deepest scarcity (and I am in a time of deep scarcity right now!) there is something about giving that helps me lighten the load of not just my boxes, but my soul. Giving reminds me of a truth I forget when I’m worried about money — there is plenty to go around.
And giving isn’t about having money! We can all give something away.
Here are just a few ideas of how you might do this:
Donate items (I will be doing this one!)
Offering time to someone who needs care
Tending to a garden (maybe even a community garden)
Making a donation to a cause you care about
Offering to take a friend’s dog for a walk when they’re busy
Picking up litter in a place where you love to be (it’s “giving” through taking away? just roll with me on this, it’s stewardship of the earth lol)
Writing a thank you letter
Making extra of a meal and offering the meal to someone
Volunteering
Just know that if you decide to give something away, I’m working on it alongside you, and I know how difficult it is. I hope you can come away from this giving feeling like you’ve got less to bear. <3
If you’re enjoying — or finished! — Sober Spirituality, consider taking my Discerning Sobriety course! You’ll get daily emails for 40 days full of spiritual practices to guide you through bringing discernment into your relationship with alcohol. It might surprise you how much the daily email can really encourage you and help you stay on the path.
Feel free to reply to this email if you have questions about the course!
summer book club
It’s not too late to join us for our summer book club, as we read Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chödrön. Later this week I’ll be reflecting on chapters 21-30!
Book club is for paid subscribers — $7/month — but if you need this right now and don’t have the cash, reply to this email and we can figure it out. 💛
If you want to join us, go ahead & subscribe!