healing moment: honor your anger (erin jean warde)
May we honor our anger... And may we one day live in a world shaped by the wisdom of our righteous anger and the healing love of the Spirit.
healing moment: honor your anger
Growing up in the Deep South, I like to say English is my second language because passive aggression is my first. I pretty much learned that anger was a bad word from the get go. It’s only been in the past few years that I’ve started acknowledging a now important to me truth — Anger is a neutral force.
Anger can be used in destructive ways, as it can become the origin for acts of hatred (both against others and ourselves).
Anger can also become the driving force behind life saving change.
Anger can even be really triggering for us, making us turn to coping mechanisms both helpful and harmful. When we cope in less helpful ways, we tend to continue suffering from it, because the anger is not processed, thus it festers.
So then, one of the most important things we can do is honor our anger.
To be clear: Honoring anger does not mean wallowing in it, allowing it to become an act of hatred, or condoning acts of hatred done in the name of it. That’s actually more likely to be what happens when we DON’T honor our anger, and instead let it fester, such that it sinks into our souls as resentment and the lust for others to suffer because we have been hurt.
Honoring our anger also does not mean it will necessarily become the driving force behind massive societal change. Anger deserves to be honored because anger is not good or bad, it is simply a human emotion just like all the others. And all human emotions can be felt, honored, and processed, such that feeling them is just another very normal human experience. So, we shouldn’t set out to honor our anger with any expectations of grandeur, because it very well might just be a small, human moment, and that’s just fine, good for us, and part of what it means to be alive.
And there are moments that demand our anger — the moments when we are faced with the kind of terror that should make us quake with rage. As I learn to honor my anger, I’ve come to believe anger is not necessarily a bad thing, but also to further believe that there are times (especially when I am faced with the disturbing realities too often in our news headlines) when if I feel anything other than blood boiling rage, that is actually the red flag. For so long I was shaped to believe anger was wrong; now I believe it’s vitally important that I feel angry when I witness destruction and hatred on full display, with no end in sight.
But still — no matter how the anger finds us — the first step is to honor it, because that is how we move through anger to get to what it might teach us, how it might give birth to the healing we yearn for, and past how it could become harmful to ourselves and others.
So today, I wonder:
How might you honor your anger?
Are there ways you feel you have repressed your anger in the past?
Did your childhood include negative messaging about anger?
What are some ways you have seen anger used to harm?
What are some ways anger has participated in positive change?
In closing, here are some ways you could practically begin to start honoring and processing your anger:
Write a letter to a person, board, group, etc. that has angered you. Really let ‘em have it. Don’t hold back. Write the things you think of that you would “never say to anyone.” Then, delete it or throw it away.
Find a private place where you can, once again, let ‘em have it — but say it out loud. (I like to go for a drive and talk like they are in the car with me.) Let yourself feel the emotion behind your struggles. Don’t hold back tears if they come. If you end up deciding to talk to someone about your anger, it can really help to do this first.
A tip from a friend’s therapist: Keep an orange/cutie/tangerine in your freezer. When you’re angry, try to squeeze it until it juices. This can help you express anger physically.
Listen to music that reflects your anger. You might even make an “angry ballads” playlist.
Find safe people, or safe communities, where your anger can be shared and held compassionately by others. Be attentive to making sure this sharing allows for actual processing, such that it helps you move through your anger, as opposed to becoming an invitation to simply fester as a group.
May we honor our anger. May we become so loving of others and ourselves that hatred and violence are put to an end. And may we one day live in a world shaped by the wisdom of our righteous anger and the healing love of the Spirit.
With care,
EJW
speaking
Looking for a speaker or retreat leader?
Want me to speak (& preach, if that’s your thing!)?
Care to host a program about Sober Spirituality?
If so, I would love to explore the possibility!