I don't think about you at all (erin jean warde)
How much of my nervous system have I fried over people who don't know that I exist?
I don’t think about you at all
As some of you know, I’ve been taking a break from social media. No one is more surprised than me to share how much I’m enjoying being offline, in this way. I’m still trying to figure out if/how I might come back, but in a way that feels good for me. (I can tell you one thing — I’m trying to invest more time and energy into this space, my Substack, because this feels like a place where I enjoy being, where I enjoy sharing myself, and receiving each of you as a guest. Thank you for being here.)
On the one hand, I do miss things because I’m not scrolling, and I sometimes worry about what I might be missing. I know I’m not getting some actually quite important updates about world events, and I sometimes feel negligent for not being more plugged in to the big things that matter in the world.
However, I’m also not getting updates about things that are very unimportant.
The other day, a friend made a pop culture reference (which is extremely harmless, understandable, and fine). I didn’t know who the person was. Naturally, I went to Google the person, because I’m prone to taking these references about people I don’t know as invitations into a ~deep dive~ so I can LEARN ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA. (I’m the type of person who STARTS her Wikipedia scroll with the personal life section, and I will not apologize.)
As I went to click on the “personal life” tab, I stopped. Why am I doing this? Two minutes ago, I did not know who this person was, much less did I care about their relationships, both crumbling and newly formed. Why am I staring into this personal life tab?
I began to feel physically frustrated. I was having a deeply visceral response. My body flushed hot, and it took me a minute to locate the feeling behind my hot skin. Anger.
I was angry. Because I kept circling on one thought…
How much of my nervous system have I fried over people who don’t know that I exist?
To be clear, naturally I have artists, writers, thinkers, comedians, etc. that I love following, those whose lives I — for better or for worse — know about and, in a weird parasocial way, care about. But why in God’s name would I spend my time and energy doing a deep dive into the life of a person whose work doesn’t interest me in the slightest?
Am I supposed to feel bad for them, while they don’t think about me at all?
It was an important moment for me, especially as I continue to discern two things — burnout and my relationship with social media (which clearly have some venn diagram energy going on). No, burnout cannot be blamed on social media, but in a season when I feel like my energy is barely enough to keep my organs functioning — and during a lifetime that is sure to be finite — one way I can care for myself is to stop giving my energy to people who do not think about me at all. (And these aren’t just social media relationships; face to face relationships can also involve caring for people who don’t think about me at all.)
Instead, I can offer my time to the relationships where I think of, and am thought of, because those are the relationships that become an interplay of energy that heals us both.
I’m not saying I’ll never do a deep dive again, and I’m certainly going to stay invested in the artists and creators whose work feels like a support to me. But the same way I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to, I don’t have to attend every drama party either.
My nervous system is already thanking me for declining.
With love & care,
EJW
upcoming events
Sober Spirituality: Discerning Our Relationship with Alcohol Online Course — November 8-January 31 (Stevenson School for Ministry)
Join the Rev. Erin Jean Warde in a 10-week discernment of how we are in relationship with alcohol. In this course, the discernment will be both interior and exterior, as you learn more about alcohol in the global and cultural context, and are given tools to look inward spiritually. You'll explore how alcohol affects us in mind, body, and soul, such that you will be encouraged to get prayerfully curious about how drinking shows up in your life, while trusting how the Spirit leads you into answering the question: How do I want to be in relationship with alcohol? This course will engage spiritual reflection and practical theology, as it covers how alcohol affects a variety of aspects of life and faith, such as: cultural norms, its use in religious spaces, hospitality, embodiment, trauma, social justice, releasing judgment around substances, and caring for those who struggle in their relationship with alcohol.
This course will be offered via Zoom on Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 pm EST, beginning November 8, 2023 and ending January 31, 2024 (with breaks for holidays). The course can be taken for credit as a part of the Stevenson School for Ministry for $300. It can also be taken as a continuing education class that allows you to sit in on classes, participate in conversations, and no assignment submission is needed for $150.
Annual Recovery Retreat for the Episcopal Diocese of Texas — December 1-3 (Camp Allen in Navasota, TX)
Join us in the beautiful East Texas piney woods with activities for renewal, space for rest and fellowship, and insightful teachings! I’ll be offering sessions based on my book, Sober Spirituality, and we’ll enjoy meetings and prayer together. Open to members of all 12 Step Fellowships and their Family and Friends of Recovery.
podcasts & articles
Sober Spirituality with Erin Jean Warde (Soberful Podcast)
Enjoy my conversation with Veronica Valli, in which we explore the role of alcohol in religion and how it has been misrepresented, what spirituality means, faith-based recovery, and more. Take some time to explore the full podcast, an incredible resource from Veronica & Chip.
A Few Minutes With… The Rev. Erin Jean Warde (Matt Rhodes)
I was delighted to be a guest on Matt Rhodes’ podcast to talk about Sober Spirituality and more. There was a bit of an audio/volume issue, so please note you can watch the episode with captions on YouTube. Enjoy!