Today’s art is “body wisdom” by LineaSagasserArts.
inspiration
“There's a world of difference . . . between that information to which we now presumably have access by way of computers, libraries, and the rest of it, great stockpiles of data, and the knowledge that people have in their bones by which they do good work and live good lives.”
—Wendell Berry
contemplation
I have been more exhausted in the past few weeks than I have maybe ever been in my life. The exception being when I’ve had the flu, or some other significant illness, which are times when my body’s wisdom is a bit more loud. But, these past few weeks have been loud in their own way, as they have not so much whispered for rest, the way my body always whispers for rest, instead asserting rest as a mandatory action.
The overwhelming fatigue serendipitously coincided with my regular appointment with my psychiatrist, so when she asked about how sleep was going I told her about the fatigue I battled, assuming it was sleep related. To show you how much this has felt outside my norm (especially since getting sober, which made my energy skyrocket): she ordered bloodwork.
It strikes me that my first thought was a sense of failure — that I needed to be better at sleep, better at rest, better better better — and my doctor’s first thought was to see if something else might be causing it, something outside of my control. It’s ironic to be exhausted to the bone then face what might be causing it: my very own hustle to get to the bottom of every last thing, to get better at it, to take it on as my fault, my problem.
My resistance to rest probably can’t cause an illness out of nowhere, but it does bring to mind how the whispered cries for rest from my body might need to become wisdom I won’t ignore, and maybe the assertions of rest from my body should be something I welcome, not something I shame myself for. When I succumb to the assertion of my body, I often feel bad about it. When I skip things I usually do, I feel like a failure. There has to be a world where honoring my body doesn’t feel like I’m letting others down. There has to be a world where we can rest and know this is the proper order of things, not a deviation from it.
To be clear: I haven’t gotten the bloodwork back, so it’s possible it really is just sleep meds and none of this is connected. But this isn’t really about blood work, is it? It’s about, as Berry puts it, the world of difference between how we can grow in information from computers, libraries, stockpiles of data, and the knowledge we have already residing in our bones. Berry doesn’t say the knowledge in our bones will help us climb the ladder, achieve, be famous, get rich — which are the illusory promises of the hustle. No, he says the knowledge in our bones is the knowledge by which we do good work and live good lives.
I have ADD, so I love the information from computers, libraries, the great stockpiles of data, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, as long as I hold to it alongside the knowledge in my bones, which is the second half I think our world has lost along the way. I will continue to research my way through things, but I wonder what shape my life might take if the rabbit holes I travel into were tangents about rest, resisting the incessant consumerism, nourishing my body, and trying to help build a world where the need for rest is possible for others who need it, too.
Today, I am trying to listen to the knowledge in my bones, trusting it might be the means by which I do good work and live a good life. I hope you can receive the knowledge in your bones and trust it too.
reflection
what, if anything, makes you want to ignore your body’s whispers for rest?
what is the knowledge in your bones?
how might listening to the knowledge in your bones trusting it might lead you into good work and living a good life?
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〰 read below to learn more about the book club, beginning in July!
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book club — starting in July
starting in July, my paid subscriber posts will be focused around a book. technically we are “reading it together,” but you won’t need to read the book in order to gain insight into the text and points of personal reflection. I think having a book as the focus will continue for a while, as this really excites me, and my hope is that it begins to make this more of a community than weekly essays. here’s what you need to know:
〰 the reflections will be sent to people on the paid subscriber list, which costs $7 per month. you can subscribe just for the month if it’s a book you’re interested in, then downgrade back to free anytime. regardless, you’ll continue to get these free weekly reflections. also, if this feels especially helpful for you right now but you don’t have the cash, reach out and I’m happy to gift you a subscription. <3
〰 I will share a reading schedule because some of us really think those are helpful, as we need order to thrive :) but you can also read at your own pace!
〰 there will be a comments section where we can chime in and have some conversation.
〰 I’m pausing weekly paid posts while I prepare for this.
and the book we are reading in July is…
If you want to read along, grab your copy of 40-Day Journey with Howard Thurman. The description of this book illuminates why Howard Thurman has become one of my favorite theologians and spiritual inspirations:
Howard Thurman was an influential American author, philosopher, theologian, educator, and civil rights leader. Strongly influenced by his grandmother, a former slave, who raised him and a Quaker mystic under whom he studied, Thurman adopted a philosophy of activism rooted in faith, guided by spirit, and maintained in peace.
We will take this truly day by day, without cramming 40 days into 30 (my first thought — read the reflection above to understand why, lol) so it won’t fit neatly into the month of July, and that is okay. The book is structured so that each day includes: a reflection from Howard Thurman, inspiration from scripture, questions to ponder, wisdom from the Psalms, journal reflection questions, prayers for hope & healing, and a prayer for today.
A note about religious language — I know many of the people who follow my work do not ascribe to Christianity, and I’m immensely blessed by my relationships with people who believe differently than me. While this book does include scripture references and Thurman’s understanding of spirituality is Christian, I believe there is a depth of wisdom for all within his work. I also ascribe to the belief that we can take what works and leave the rest. That said, if Christian language is triggering for you, this may not be a book you wish to read. And there will be more books in the future. <3
I hope you’ll join us for the journey with Howard Thurman, starting the week of July 4, but regardless, you’ll continue to get these e-mails!
If you haven’t already, you should check out the book Wintering by Katherine Shaw. It’s all about how we need to listen to our bodies when they tell us to rest, told through the lens of chronic illness and depression. It’s been extremely important for me.