on howard thurman (erin jean warde)
Today’s art is a lovely photograph of Howard Thurman.
inspiration
“I want each of you to think seriously about this question: To what do I appeal when I want to convince myself that I am somebody? … I am putting the question quite personal[ly] this morning: In what do you find your security?”
—Howard Thurman, from 40-Day Journey with Howard Thurman
contemplation
My love for Howard Thurman began years ago, as I opened Meditations of the Heart, and after making it past the foreword, I found one paragraph written by him — titled “The Inward Sea” — and it became the cornerstone of my sobriety. I had barely even made it into the book before his words had changed my life by giving shape to it in a way I instinctively knew only he, guided by the Holy Spirit, could.
I return to Meditations of the Heart, but lately I’ve also immersed myself in Jesus and the Disinherited, which is easily one of the most important books I’ve ever read (and I’m not even done). I’m reading it with one of my spiritual directees and, as I said to her in our last meeting, there is something so deeply beautiful and prophetic about reading a book first published in 1949 and feeling like it could have also been written on a blog yesterday.
The beauty of Thurman’s work for me is that he does two things masterfully: he speaks into the reality of injustice in our world, while also speaking directly into the innermost sanctuary of the heart. I believe this is because he knew they were intimately related. He knew action must be partnered with meditation, he knew the external realities of life like racism and marginalization must be recognized as the hate they are, and how they take root in the human. He knew we must participate in the Spirit’s activity of ending injustice and that any desire to participate in that activity would have to be accompanied by care for our hearts, souls, the interior realities of life, too.
I once worked for someone who was really good at giving critical feedback. The way I describe it is: when he gave me critical feedback, I instinctively knew it was out of love for me, out of a desire for me to grow. Thurman’s work is, at times, convicting, but it reminds me that conviction is good, because it is out of love for me, out of a desire for me to grow. Most importantly, I deserve to be convicted for the times when I marginalize others, so his conviction first and foremost honors those I have harmed, and I want them to be honored. He somehow knows how to speak to my heart, move me spiritually, convict me of my wrong actions, and remind me there is hope that I can turn from wrongdoing and become a more compassionate person, a person more aligned with Christ’s teachings — all the while, making me feel loved.
I’ve shared the above quote, which is from Day 1 of 40-Day Journey with Howard Thurman. It’s just a little sneak peek of what you will enjoy if you want to join us in the book club (more info below). I love how it introduces us to Thurman’s way of loving us through his teachings, because I could sit in these two questions for the rest of my life.
To what do I appeal when I want to convince myself that I am somebody? I am reminded of the ways I can search for validation, and how that search for validation can pit me against my very own hopes for myself. In sobriety, I discovered how much of myself I had lost along the way. I had traded so much of my soul to the search for validation, and the numbing alcohol provides. When mixed together, I pursued almost everything but myself, and my hopes and desires, appealing to so many things to convince myself I am somebody.
In what do you find your security? I know where I have tried to find security, how security is largely illusory, but incredibly tempting. I also know what it is like to release the false sense of security in favor of the kind of security that, to the world, looks like the exact insecurity we should fear. In sobriety, I learned that when I place my security inside God, trusting in the Spirit’s guidance, and honoring myself, I inevitably land on the sure footing of grace, but it requires a level of courage that feels like insecurity before it feels like peace.
Regardless of the book club, I hope you have gained wisdom from even just this small quote from Thurman’s powerful witness to the love of God and the holiness of our lives. May you receive this as an offering of love, encouragement, and empathy during a time when that support has felt critical for me.
reflection
to what do you appeal when you want to convince yourself that you are somebody?
in what do you find your security?
programs & offerings
〰 I am available for more 1:1 coaching clients, sign up anytime!
〰 book club starts this week — read more below!
interests & joys
〰 I think I have officially landed the plane on a “five minute face” of makeup and I am excited about a life of makeup minimalism, lol
〰 I restarted Bob’s Burgers (to watch alongside my crime shows) for mental health reasons
book club — first reflection on Thursday this week!
this Thursday I’ll send my first reflection on 40-Day Journey with Howard Thurman to paid subscribers. my hope is that us “reading together” makes this more of a community than disparate weekly essays. here’s what you need to know:
〰 the reflections will be sent to people on the paid subscriber list, which costs $7 per month. you can upgrade & subscribe just for the month if it’s a book you’re interested in, then downgrade back to free anytime. regardless, these free weekly reflections continue. also, if this feels helpful for you but you don’t have the cash, reach out and I’m happy to gift you a subscription. <3
〰 reading schedule — this week’s reflection will cover the first 6 days, and so on and so forth, with reflections ending the week of August 8th, which gets us through all 40 days. so, read one every day, or read at your own pace, and just know you’ll receive a reflection on Howard Thurman’s work for 6 weeks, starting Thursday! also, if you’re just now grabbing the book, there’s no such thing as being late! and all the reflections will remain in the archives. <3
〰 there will be a comments section where you can chime in and have some conversation.
a note about religious language — I know many of the people who follow my work do not ascribe to Christianity, and I’m immensely blessed by my relationships with people who believe differently than me. While this book does include scripture references and Thurman’s understanding of spirituality is Christian, I believe there is a depth of wisdom for all within his work. I also ascribe to the belief that we can take what works and leave the rest. That said, if Christian language is triggering for you, this may not be a book you wish to read. And there will be more books in the future. <3