running on empty (erin jean warde)

I’m not running on empty right now, but I’m still trying to fill up the tank; I’m still dealing with a soul deficit. If you’re there, I’m with you, and I’d love to heal together.

running on empty

I was talking to a client this week about what happens when we want to cope differently, but we struggle to do it in the moment of craving. I remember all the times when I would wake up in the morning, vowing things would be different, but when the clock struck 5p.m., I’d continue my same nightly patterns.

If that resonates with your own desire to change habits, one thing to remember is that we have to have the energy to make different decisions. We have to have the capacity to navigate changing those patterns. This means that one of the most necessary questions for changing how we cope is…

How will I care for myself, so I have the capacity to cope differently?

A while back, I was really struggling. Every time I got in my car, I’d remember my gas was running a little low, but I was also always running just a few minutes late. I kept thinking: Okay, the next time I go somewhere, I’ll get gas. I work full time from home, so my driving is always pretty sporadic (no commute!), which didn’t help. Worse, I got so burned out I didn’t even think to look at the gas tank. Finally, one day… I literally ran out of gas. For the first time in my life.

Now, please note, this is not like me. I’m an enneagram 6 and WE DO NOT RUN OUT OF GAS. Also, everything was fine. I used roadside, they delivered gas, all was well. But as I sat in my car, waiting for someone to bring me gas, it hit me: this is a metaphor for my whole life right now.

I was, in every sense of the word, running on E. In my mind, body, and soul, I had the awareness I was running a little low, but I didn’t have the capacity to address it. I kept thinking: I need to rest, need to care for myself, and I’ll do that… soon. I became mindless around the reality of my body and soul’s need for rest, not even looking at the proverbial gas tank. As I sat on the side of the road, I knew I was on the brink of running out of gas in a way that roadside couldn’t fix.

And when it comes to the realities of our lives, we shouldn’t feel ashamed if we are in that space right now, feeling like we are only a mile or so away from being non-functional. We often jump straight to blame and shame: I’m such an idiot, I should have just gotten gas. When in reality, the inevitabilities of our lives — many of which are out of our control — mean we are struggling, and understandably so.

We don’t shame a car for running out of gas. It’s just a mechanical reality. Cars without gas don’t run (if you drive an EV, you still get the metaphor, lol). If your car runs out of gas, you need to get more gas in order for it to run. Period.

And yet, when it comes to our minds, bodies, and souls, we forget we are similarly finite. We, too, reach a point where we have no more gas and we cannot run.

Over the past few years, I have been dangerously close to my mind, body, and soul running on E. While I am doing a bit better now, my tank still isn’t full, I know I have a soul deficit I need to address, and I know what it’s like to break down. That’s why I’m trying to focus on mind, body, and soul care this fall, through returning to the practices that helped me heal when I got sober.

I’ll be sharing my journey back to the basics of mind, body, and soul care with the paid community here on Substack, starting in September. This journey will be our programming for the fall, in lieu of a book study.

I’ll be focusing on different practices and ways of thinking about my recovery that helped the first time, which I will be practicing once again. I’m returning to these practices as a way for me to fill the tank after sitting on the precipice of E, and also so I can remember how to keep filling the tank each day, week, month, and through time away, such as retreat and vacation. While I never offer quick fixes, I do believe in figuring out which tools help us, so we know where to turn when we suddenly find ourselves stranded on the side of the road.

Think of it this way — Yes, my car ran out of gas. But I knew to call roadside. I had roadside available. If not that, I would have called a friend. Or I would have found the closest gas station to bring gas back to my car. Yes, my car ran out of gas, but I knew there were options available to get me going again.

This fall, we’ll be gathering up some options we can have available, so that if we end up on E, we have some ways to get going again. Life happens — and all the coping skills in the world don’t change the fact that sometimes we just need to fall apart — but it never hurts to have some ways to care for ourselves on standby.

This fall in the paid Substack community, you can expect something along the lines of:

• setting up morning and evening rituals

• bullet journal ideas for tracking & goal setting

• affirmation practices

• building a First Aid Kit to support myself when I’m struggling and need to cope

• how I’m trying to practice sleep hygiene

• my relationship with my phone (it just always comes up I can’t help it lol)

• joy practices

• what I’m doing when I’ve got an itch to numb out, feel triggered, etc.

• how I’m trying to sit with my challenges

• how it’s going (it won’t be perfect, you know!)

• lots of sharing different resources that are working for me (you can take what works and leave the rest)

• … and more

If you’re in this same space — desiring change in your day to day habits and self-care, or needing some ways to care for yourself after burnout — I hope you’ll join us September through end of December in the paid community, as we journey through this together. I’m so excited about working through this in my personal life and sharing this with y’all.

Don’t worry, these free weekly dispatches continue, and I can already tell you that this journey will shape how I share with the whole community as well. The paid community will just have a focus and a deep dive.

As always, if you think this could be helpful for you but you can’t afford a subscription, reach out and let’s figure it out. I always want my work to find the people who seek it, such that money doesn’t withhold care. <3

I’m not running on empty right now, but I’m still trying to fill up the tank; I’m still dealing with a soul deficit. If you’re there, I’m with you, and I’d love to heal together.

With love & care,
EJW

Book Review of Erin Jean Warde’s, “Sober Spirituality” (Red Letter Christians)

Check out Melanie Springer Mock’s review of my book! I’m grateful for her reflection and her own wisdom that she offers in this piece.

A resounding strength in Sober Spirituality is Warde’s unwillingness to contribute to the shame that is often part of conversations around alcohol misuse. Given her own experience, she recognizes that the journey toward sobriety is not linear: it might not have a specific start date; it might not have a particular pathway; more than anything else, it requires a mindful relationship with alcohol and with others. Warde uses the idea of “long obedience in the same direction,” noting that “Sobriety is, for many of us, a progression, an unfolding, an intuitive process of embodiment, and the inkling that a more joyful life is possible.”

september events

Soul Care: A Holistic Approach to Self-Care — September 8-10 (Saint Paul’s Waco)
I’m thrilled to be leading the women’s retreat with Saint Paul’s Waco, one of the many churches I have called home. I can’t wait! If you’re one of my Saint Paul’s followers, please sign up, as I’d love to see you! <3

Sober Spirituality Book Club — begins September 11 (Justice Unbound)
Join Justice Unbound beginning September 11th for the first Unbound Book Club! For 11 weeks, we will journey with Sober Spirituality: The Joy of a Mindful Relationship with Alcohol. Each week we will read a chapter and through Unbound socials engage in questions and share as we feel called. Purchase the book at your local book store or check it out at libraries! (If they do not carry the book, request it!) Follow Justice Unbound on Instagram — @justiceunbound — to participate!

Discerning Sobriety: Explore mindfulness, sobriety, and spirituality — September 15-16 (Franciscan Spirituality Center)

I’m so excited to be leading this IN PERSON retreat at the Franciscan Spirituality Center in La Crosse, Wisconsin! If you’re in the area, I hope you’ll visit. What a joy it will be to journey with these lovely people.

Sober Spirituality Book Event — September 20 (St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral in Oklahoma City)
I’m beyond thrilled to be back in Oklahoma to talk about Sober Spirituality! If you’re one of my Oklahoma beloveds, I hope you’ll come hang out with us at St. Paul’s Cathedral!

recovery coaching

If you’re seeking support around changing your relationship with alcohol, I’d love to work with you as your coach!

Recovery coaching provides empathy, practical support, and encouragement as you change your relationship with alcohol or quit drinking. We dig into what is motivational and demotivational for you, so I can help you stay motivated along the path. We will focus on setting achievable goals, removing failure as an option, accountability, recovery techniques, and more to help you change your relationship with alcohol.

Coaching with me means crafting a journey that is unique to you and your life, because the only way we can change our drinking is through support that is unique to our real lives! Sign up today or reach out with questions below. :)