the goodness of returning (erin jean warde)

May you remember that you might actually already know what your tools are, or how to get them. May you feel the goodness of returning.

Today’s art is “Snail Sleep of an Austrian Landscape” by Friedensreich Hundertwasser.

the goodness of returning

Last week felt like my first settled week here, as I’ve only been here for 3. The first 2 were pure chaos, one of which I didn’t even have my things. The second was for unpacking and organizing. But last week, I just got to be. And I started doing social things with friends, which is helping me realize I live here, though I still have moments when I feel like I am on vacation, given this was a vacation spot before I became a resident.

So — like clockwork — yesterday I started getting that itch I get for rituals and care. I’ve started a new chapter, I’ve set up my home, but how will I set up my soul? What about the rooms of my interior life? Do they have any semblance of support, or has my soul become the junk room that doesn’t exist in my apartment?

When I got here, I have to give myself credit, because I started strong. I was really actively working on my sleep and it paid off quick. I was using natural supplements and sleeping beautifully. But then I ran out of supplements and it all went by the wayside. (There were only 7 days worth of supplements in the pack; guess how long this lasted!) TikTok crept back in, my eating routines became sporadic, and more.

So of course the ritual and care itch started itching. But it’s more than that, it’s me trying to listen to what my soul craves. And my soul craves care.

When I meet with prospective clients or possible directees, I try to tell them that I don’t speak as someone who has figured it out. I try to speak, coach, and spiritually support people as someone who is familiar with these struggles, because they are my own. I think in some ways my struggle with it all, my yearning for it, is what helps me offer the support I give.

But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I go through the same tumult that I hear from the people I care for. The feelings of failure, losing track, the exhaustion of trying to get back on track, and the hustling for trying to find the “new thing.”

Today, after wondering if I needed a new planner (large lol), I took a deep breath and realized — You know what your tools are. You have them, or you know how to get them. You know what to do. It was, in some ways, a first for me? Not a true first, as I typically come to this realization eventually. But this time, it was fast. I didn’t order the thing I would end up probably never using. I paused, realized I probably knew what to do, and closed the window on my phone.

Now, to be clear, I might eventually try this planner. I’m a huge fan of planners. But there’s a difference between finding the tools that are best for us, and the frantic “add to cart” reaction to this feeling of struggle. Yes, I need to try things to see if they will be a good support for me. But when I add to cart with the interior, even subconscious, belief that this will be the one to fix me, I’ve lost the plot.

In the past, the feeling that I need return to the practices I already know are helpful would have felt like failure. Plus it doesn’t have the fun dopamine hit. “I’m such an idiot. I literally know what to do — why don’t I just.. do it?” (It’s very reminiscent of when Paul called me out, saying, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”)

But today, it felt like freedom. It felt good. I thought — Wait a second, I’ve got this. I know what to do. I can take the advice I give others. I can take the advice given to me over the years. Yes, I can try new things and see if they are necessary tools to my healing, but I don’t have to add to cart.

May you remember that you might actually already know what your tools are, or how to get them. May you feel the goodness of returning.

With love & care,
EJW

Discerning Sobriety: Explore mindfulness, sobriety, and spirituality — September 15-16 (Franciscan Spirituality Center)

I’m so excited to be leading this IN PERSON retreat at the Franciscan Spirituality Center in La Crosse, Wisconsin! If you’re in the area, I hope you’ll visit.

During this weekend, you’ll be introduced to tools that can help you to discern your relationship with addictive choices or behaviors so common to us all. Erin Jean Warde, ordained Episcopal priest and author of “Sober Spirituality,” will share her personal journey that led her to quit alcohol, and will provide additional tools to help participants explore a more mindful relationship with substance misuse and dependencies, as well as the richer sobrieties we might seek.

If you’re enjoying — or finished! — Sober Spirituality, consider taking my Discerning Sobriety course! You’ll get daily emails for 40 days full of spiritual practices to guide you through bringing discernment into your relationship with alcohol. It might surprise you how much the daily email can really encourage you and help you stay on the path.

Feel free to reply to this email if you have questions about the course!

have any suggestions for book club?

If so, I’d love to hear them. Comment below or reply to this email. :)