the spark (erin jean warde)
inspiration
“To Be Alive”
To be alive; not just the carcass
But the spark.
That’s crudely put, but…
If we’re not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?
—Gregory Orr (featured on @poetryisnotaluxury)
contemplation
Not just the carcass, but the spark. I remember the days of carcass living, but without the awareness I was vulture bait. I fostered a void without even knowing it; my lungs didn’t so much breathe as suck in something to fill it briefly, before welcoming the void back again. But we all know air wasn’t filling the void. No, I wish it had been air, that I’d found some sort of solace in my breath and how it connected me to the Breath of God. No, I think we all know it was alcohol, sucked into the void to fill it briefly, before welcoming back a void again at daybreak.
But even in the carcass living, I felt the inklings that would, in time, become the spark. It wasn’t a grand thing, not a bonfire, because it’s never the grand thing for me. I’m loud, boisterous, never once accused of being meek, so I WANT the grand thing to be the sign, but God knows me too well. God almost only speaks to me in quiet whispers, willing me to slow down long enough to notice a spark before the house is burning all the way to the ground.
In sobriety, I notice the sparks, I know they are beginnings. The inklings about my drinking were the first sparks of a chain of sparks, each one leading me to this moment, today. Because I have learned to slow down long enough to hear the quiet whispers, the sparks before the burn, I’m able to hear the music, to know when to dance.
May today offer you a spark, an inkling, a whisper you can’t miss. May you slow down long enough to accept an invitation to dance.
reflection
what sparks have you experienced in your life? what great, beautiful burning did they foreshadow?
where is the music playing?
how are you invited to dance?
programs & offerings
〰 I am available for 1:1 coaching in May, sign up anytime!
〰 I am also welcoming more spiritual directees in May! say hi if you’re interested, so we can discern whether or not we’d be a good fit.
interests & joys
〰 my book is due Sunday! pray for me!
〰 I moved & love my new place <3
〰 I spent this past weekend with St. Thomas’—Owing Mills in Baltimore and it was a profound joy. I spoke on the legacy of Sam Shoemaker as a jumping off point for expanding understandings of sobriety. I also preached and you can listen to my sermon here. St. Thomas’ debuted their very own signature mocktail & we used grape juice for Eucharist. it was a profound joy!