this is not a personal problem (erin jean warde)

I have learned something I wish I had known back in the shameful, spiraling drinking years: Struggling with substances cannot be reduced to just being a personal problem.

inspiration

“3.3 million people die every year due to alcohol. This is not a personal problem. This is a global and communal need for healing.”
—EJW

contemplation

I spent the bulk of my hard, journeying sober curious years shouldering the full brunt of shame. I had received the very clear message that if I struggled with drinking, it was a personal problem, a failure, a reminder that I had screwed up. It ate away at me, because the shame voices became the very internal spiraling I hoped to quiet down with the numbing of alcohol. And, because it was a personal problem, I felt deeply alone, so I kept all the spiraling thoughts firmly inside my own brain, a sure fire way to promise I’d keep drinking.

Over my past 3.5 years of being sober, and in my almost 3 years of experience working in the recovery field, I have learned something I wish I had known back in the shameful, spiraling drinking years: Struggling with substances cannot be reduced to just being a personal problem.

3.3 million people die every year, globally, from alcohol. Beloved, 3.3 million people don’t die because of a personal problem. No, 3.3 million people die because this is a global and communal need for healing. The way our culture has taught us it is a personal problem only serves to make sure the challenge persists, because it encourages us toward spiraling into another drink.

We must grieve these deaths, because death is always worthy of our grieving, and because 3.3 million preventable deaths should break our hearts as much as these deaths break the heart of God. This is also a sign that we do not have to shoulder the full brunt of shame, we do not have to continue feeling like we are alone, we do not have to ignore this widespread challenge.

We can receive the truth that having a challenging relationship with alcohol is not a personal problem — not for you, if you’re struggling, or for anyone else. No, this is a global and communal need for healing. We can grieve the deaths of the 3.3. million people per year and, instead of just shedding tears, we can accept the invitation to change this culture, to no longer force those who struggle to sit in that spiraling shame. We can be living reminders to the people around us that we are all human, we all struggle, we all need ways to cope, and we are all worthy of surviving and seeking healing.

This calls to mind for me how much I talk about self-care, because I do believe self-care is necessary in our healing. But our care cannot only be for self — healing, in the most powerful sense of the experience, has to join self to community. I appreciate how this quote has helped me think about the two:

“Shouting ‘self-care’ at people who actually need ‘community care’ is how we fail people.”
—Nakita Valerio

In the sense of alcohol, I think we often shout “self-care” at people who struggle, whether it’s through things like saying they have a personal problem, or saying they just need to drink less (it’s not that hard! so many unhelpfully say). Instead, so many need community care, they need to know they are not alone. Plus, our whole community must acknowledge that challenges with alcohol demand community care, which means acknowledging that we each play a part in creating a community that stands a chance at offering healing to those who struggle.

Today, I don’t know where you are in your relationship with alcohol, but I know we all play a part in this work of healing. So, hear this:

If you are struggling in your relationship with alcohol, you are not alone. You are one amongst many who seek healing and care. This is a global and communal reality, not a personal problem that you carry alone.

And if you do not struggle in your relationship with alcohol, I pray you will take on the responsibility of being part of the communal care of healing. I hope you will become an advocate for de-stigmatizing why a person might struggle with alcohol, because their struggles are not a personal problem, they are indicative of a global reality, a communal reality, of which we each play a part.

And no matter who you are, may you receive the reminder that we are all beloved, all deserving of care, all worthy of healing.

No, 3.3 million people don’t die because of a personal problem, and we have the chance to no longer be content with this death toll, in favor of becoming a community of healing.

With care,
EJW

reflection

Take a minute to honor how, in your struggles (whatever they may be), you are not alone.
Then, take some time to grieve the deaths from alcohol.
Consider holding onto the question: How might this be calling me to communal care & healing?

out of office

Friends, a few notes about me being out of the office:

• I will be out of the office August 19-September 4 and unable to respond to e-mails, phone calls, and text messages regarding work. I will also be completely off social media.

• This week I will send our last paid and free reflections, to resume in September.

• My next availability for all appointments — spiritual direction and recovery coaching — is in September. Thanks for being patient with me right now!

Thanks for being patient with me right now!

SEPTEMBER BOOK CLUB ANNOUNCEMENT

I’m very excited to announce our next book…

We are reading Jenny Odell’s How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy! I look forward to exploring so much: rest, what occupies our attention, some insights from my recovery, and more.

We will spend 8 weeks with this book, covering a chapter per week, including the introduction & conclusion. Here is a quick schedule of reflections you’ll receive if you’re a paid subscriber:

Week of September 5 — Introduction: Surviving Usefulness
Week of September 12 — Chapter 1: The Case for Nothing
Week of September 19 — Chapter 2: The Impossibility of Retreat
Week of September 26 — Chapter 3: Anatomy of a Refusal
Week of October 3 — Chapter 4: Exercises in Attention
Week of October 10 — Chapter 5: Ecology of Strangers
Week of October 17 — Chapter 6: Restoring the Grounds for Thought
Week of October 24 — Conclusion: Manifest Dismantling

Book club reflections are weekly for paid subscribers. If you’re interested, subscribe below, for $7/month. I look forward to reading this book with y’all!