What Happened? (Erin Jean Warde)
Yesterday I learned there is no need to reason my way out of the natural realities of life & the natural emotions that make me human. The only thing that “happened” was life, breath, me being myself.
What Happened?
Friends,
Yesterday, I was completely subdued by tears. I started the day by reading a chapter of Barbara Brown Taylor’s An Altar in the World, which is when the tears began. I then met with a spiritual directee and teared up as we talked about the holiness of Maundy Thursday footwashing. I would later cry with a directee as I prayed with her, praying with and for her grief.
Then, I logged off my calls for the day, but the tears kept coming. I sat, sobbing in my car for grocery pick up. Once my groceries were put up, the tears began again.
Because of who I am as a person, in my reprieves, I stated trying to “figure it out.” I badgered myself with the question — What happened?
I finally laid down in bed, to take a nap, because I think all my energy came out through my eyes, my shuddering shoulders, the clasping of my heart, the times I said out loud what I felt inside. In bed, I returned to the same question — What happened? But before I could get too far into it, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I realized something. The correct answer to “what happened?” was for me to fall asleep. Because there is no “something” that happened, no way I could reason through the tears of the day. I simply… needed to cry. I think, though painful, it was what my mind, body, and soul required.
I learned there is no need to reason my way out of the natural realities of life and the natural emotions that make me human. The only thing that “happened” was life, breath, me being myself in my pain and in my beauty.
So I hope that next time I’m trying to ”what happened?” my way through the natural emotions of my life, I will stop myself — and go to bed, because sometimes the correct answer to “what happened?” is for me to fall asleep.
Love y’all,
EJW
EJW COMING TO SEATTLE! (May 4 & 5)
I’m very excited to share that I will be headed to SEATTLE in May for a variety of events at Saint Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral! I will be offering a workshop on Saturday, May 4th and preaching + offering a 20’s & 30’s event on Sunday, May 5th! I’ll be preaching at the 9:00AM & 11:00AM Sunday services. If you’re in the Seattle area, I hope I see y’all very soon!
Love this.