when you forget how to care for yourself (erin jean warde)

Be gentle with yourself if finding time for personal care feels hard. That’s normal. Maybe today we can both try to do just one thing.

when you forget how to care for yourself

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about self-care, mostly because I have felt a profound lack of it in my life. Before I explore the topic at all, I have to start by mentioning that the idea of self-care quickly became co-opted by the wellness industry, such that it has become synonymous with MORE THINGS I NEED TO BUY, which is not the type of self-care I’m talking about, nor is it the type of self-care I yearn for. Yes, there are times when I might engage in self-care practices that involve me paying for something, but when we begin to think of self-care as necessitating us having money, that’s when we’ve lost the plot.

I’ve been thinking a ton about self-care for 2 reasons: 1) I’ve really struggled with it, especially since my sister died in December. 2) I spend an exorbitant amount of time telling others to make sure they care for themselves!

This week I was meeting with a client who is holding a lot in her life right now, with even more ahead of her. When we were talking about how to cope now, and prepare for what’s to come, I was very clear with her in saying something to the effect of: I think right now your self-care needs to be at its height. We know it is important, but right now it feels non-negotiable. How can you try to really prioritize caring for yourself?

Later in the day it occurred to me that this was the exact advice I needed, but for myself. (I hate it when that happens.)

Still, since that realization, I have struggled. I have spent too much time on TikTok, I have moved directly from my work chair to my bed where I turn on the tv (nothing wrong with tv! but I feel like I’ve been neglecting other options), I have struggled to drink enough water, and I have stayed awake long after I knew I should probably go to bed.

Even now, as I write this — even as I realize I, too, need to acknowledge that self-care is non-negotiable, that care for myself needs to be at its height, that I would be wise to try to prioritize caring for myself — I still feel overwhelmed by the prospect!

I’m wondering if the next right step — as I would advise anyone I work with — is a small one. Maybe I’m just going to try to drink more water. Maybe I’ll just set a bedtime and try to stick to it. Maybe I’ll just try to re-open my now dusty fiction book from the library and delete TikTok.

And maybe I’ll just do one of those things, not all of them. Because all of them feels hard, and one of them feels possible.

Today, you might be struggling with self-care, and if you are, I am with you. I don’t know how I can both deeply love helping others with this and also struggle to do this for myself, but here we are. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because of this, but on my better days I’ve come to believe that maybe it is good to have a guide who struggles too, because when I say to you “I know how hard this is,” I mean it from the core of my soul.

If you have any thoughts on this, or any tips on how you’ve been able to make self-care possible, please drop them in the comments. I’d love to see how we can support each other in the common, necessary work of caring for ourselves in mind, body, and soul.

So be gentle with yourself if finding time for personal care feels hard. That’s normal. Maybe today we can both try to do just one thing.

With love,
EJW

Q&A

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